What An Excellent Poseur

Don't be so scared, we will not lead you on like you've been doing for weeks.

So you're selfish, and I'm sorry.

When I'm gone you'll be going nowhere fast

Nowhere fast, nowhere fast.

Shockingly true.... Look at me! I'm going nowhere! Fast.

So I'm selfish, and you're sorry.

-

Someone, somewhere said some things that may have sparked some sympathy, but don't believe.

Don't believe a word you've heard about me.

Also shockingly true.

My Blindside Post Really Is Still Coming

My cards are on the table, you can look up my sleeves
You say you're honest, but love is for theives
I was just out there, as chaste as a nun, but it's easier said than done

Stealing My Heart, The Rolling Stones, 2003

O.o Somehow I find it hard to believe that Mick Jagger was ever as chaste as a nun. =P

I'm slightly tired of everyone in the house not waking me up, leaving, and not making any kind of a note to tell me where in the world they all went. Jane makes notes to Julie even when she's the only one who'll be gone and there are plenty of other people left in the house to tell her where she went. She would never dream of not doing that. But wait--when Angela's the one asleep, they're all just going to pick up and leave together with my grandma and aunt that I never get to see, not bother to try and wake me up, and certainly not bother to tell me where they're going. I've been laying around feeling unwanted for the past 6 or 7 years, and every time they do something like this it just puts another dent in the hole.

Oh well. There's nothing that I can do about it and would I change it anyway? So I'll stop waxing emo on you and instead present some quotes me and Crytal have been making! Okay, actually Crystal said both of them. =D But still, take anyway.

Quote Of A Few Weeks Ago
"Siska's in a league of his own. He's just a weird little freak."

Quote Of Tuesday, July 26th
"My hair is brown. His hair is brown. I am tall. He is tall."

Explanations: Siska is the bass player for The Academy Isn't cool anymore. We were classifying the band members and Crystal said this when we realized Siska doesn't fit into any category.......and not in a good way, ha. (I think you have to be us to find that one funny.)
In the second one "he" is Mick Jagger [surprise-surprise] and I'm not going to explain the context because I know you don't care.

The End

My Rant For Jim/Against Eli

Our assistant manager at work, Eli, was saying nasty things about Jim again.

Had caught the end of Riders On The Storm on the radio and was listening sulkily while leaning over the back table. I moped to Crystal, "Why did Jim have to go away?"

Eli looked up and gave me this incredulous "you're a goonie" look. "It was a drug. overdose."

Crystal and I shot back simultaneously, "He's not dead." in an equally "where have you been?" tone of voice.

"Yeah, and neither is Tupac," he said sarcastically.

"Oh, Tupac's stupid." That was Crystal.

Me: "Who's Tupac?"

Eli: "You don't know who he is? You listen to music and you don't know who Tupac is?"

Crystal: "He's some rapper, some black rapper.."

Me: "Oh." Then to Eli: "Well of course I don't know who he is. I listen to music, not crap."

So he says, just as I walk over to where he is sitting to get some water, "Yeah, and I listen to country and not shit like Jim Morrison."

Me, pausing: "What did you just say?"

"You heard me." He was laughing. I was not. I whacked him on the back of the head.

"Ow!" He went slightly serious. "That was uncalled for."

I stalked away. "No, it wasn't."

"Yeah it was." And he started mumbling to himself about how there was something wrong with Jim and how his music isn't very good and crap like that, and I just scrunched my eyes closed and pretended not to hear.

"I don't even want to know what he's saying, he doesn't know what he's talking about."

And then Crystal started talking, joking, successfully lightening the mood back up.

What a load of crap. I hate that kid. This is the second time he's said nasty things about Jim, and it better not happen again. He only does it because a)he knows we love Jim and it'll tick us off, and b)because he's a total square. I think he really does just believe everything he's ever heard, that Jim was just an uncorked bottle of wine who died of a drug-related heart problem in 1971. Oooookay. Die!

Managers. I swear. He gets away with so much crap just because he's a "manager." *sigh*

Okay. Now I have my angst out. Thank you for listening(reading).

Monumental

I just finished listening to The Doors self-titled album on the record player.

It was like hearing each piece of music for the first time.

Outside of that, there are no words to describe the experience.

Who's the idiot who came up with cassettes and CDs? This is how music was meant to be.

Loves Jim Morrison To The Point Where It's A Little Strange,
Angela

*sings*

I HATE BOYS! I HATE BOYS! I HATE BOYS I HATE HATE BOYS!

Um.......... that's all I can think of to say right now.

Let me think a minute.










Oh yes. [+entirely unrelated+] I also hate very much that William is in a band. I know he doesn't hate it, and I wouldn't hate it if I were him and I know nobody else hates it, but I do. I wish he was not in a band. Or I wish that his band sucked in a way people recognized.

Oh well.

Please don't cut your hair. Pleeeeeeease. *begs*

*nEgaTivIty++NegAtiVitY++negATIVitY***

The Kid

Crystal just did something weird. She gave her phone number to the gas station attendant.

I think we're gonna......hang out with him tonight. Maybe.

*sci-fi music plays*

You Make Me Sorta Sad

Someday I'm going to ask him if he has demons.

When I figure out what in the heck -if anything- to say about The Academy Is show, I'll post something.

For now let if suffice to say that Julian is completely and utterly dead and all traces of him have been wiped clean. An hour of being furious, and then what's ushered in but the new age of William Beckett. Hmm. I think I kinda like this kid.

Friday Night And A Love-Hate Relationship

Well, tonight went quite alot nicer and less pathetic than last night did.

Friday was something of a Flavor Of The Week kind of night. Crystal was out to the movies with some friends, so I was left at the house to figure out what to do with myself. I sat out on the porch for awhile, on the railing like I used to do when I was a kid and sang along to I'm A Loser, which I thought rather fit the situation. I played a little Stones, some Bob Marley until I couldn't stand it any longer, and sat there swinging my feet and watching cars drive past.

It didn't take me long to realize I was watching for his car. I don't know, I guess because I've been thinking about him lately, I'm not sure why. It was a bit odd, almost subconscious. Panning most of the vehicles passing, watching, waiting almost, assuming he'd come past sooner or later. Sometimes you just get that feeling, you know?

Well, after a while he did, surprisingly enough, or not surprisingly, whichever way you want to look at it. That left me feeling a little unsettled. I went and laid down on the wooden flooring and popped the Stones back in the CD player, 19th Nervous Breakdown- I wondered if they were writing about me, and Under My Thumb, which as I listened to I got more and more frustrated at Mick, until I couldn't even give him the hand/satisfaction of having me listen to the entire song, so I slammed the lid up, tossed the CD back in the case, went back in the house, slammed the screen door, threw my shoes down in their spot, and stomped into the back room, fuming to myself about what a horrid, wretched person he is and how you shouldn't ever, ever treat people like that just because they're women. (Sound familiar?)

The worst parts are:
"The difference in the clothes she wears"
"The way she does just what she's told"
"The way she talks when she's spoken to"
"Under my thumb her eyes are just kept to herself, (under my thumb) but I can still look at someone else."

Oooh it just ticks me off!!!! But I wasn't so burnt in my feministic sizzling that I didn't watch Gimme Shelter about a half hour later, which only served to confirm my belief in his self-centered awfulness. But he's just so pretty that you can't completely hate him.

Look at that. Come on. You just have to adore that. You don't exactly have a choice.


Mmm. Even now he's still beautiful. He's 60 million years old and STILL nobody'd kick him out of their bed. Good lord.

ANYWAY, haha, I was getting a headache and watching Mick jiggle his head around so much at shows didn't help much, so after it was done I headed up to bed. Just as I was about to snap off the light Susen called, so that was fun, we talked till 1 and she confirmed my fears about Saw. ::sigh:: =P After that I sat for a bit, then clicked off the light, put Wild Horses on repeat and eventually fell into a weird sleep permeated by his voice and embellished by strange dreams.

Eh. I don't know. Whatever. There you go. There's my Friday night.

Grrrrrrrr!

[Frustrating] Lists

I am really pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today has been a weird day, because I can't say it's been a bad day because it hasn't. There have been good and weird things that have happened, but there have also been some very FRUSTRATING THINGS THAT HAPPENED!!!!!!! Let me make a list.
1) Today at work seemed like it would NEVER END. It was cold, and it was slow, and my feet were intent on murdering me, I swear, and I was so tired, and I didn't think our shift would ever end!!!! "Will we ever get outta here?"
2) Me and Robin got into a muddle-y discussion as usual, only this one was EXTRA muddle-y.
3) Everyone telling me that I shouldn't go to SVA, and then when the see my stubbornness, telling me I can't go to SVA because: I don't take pictures, I don't have a portfolio, I can't make a living off of photography, I don't want to go to art school (I don't? This is news to me.), etc, etc. BAH!!
4) My dad always manages to pick the WORST times to play guitars that he could ever possibly pick. It's like he waits on purpose until I am peak frustrated, or half-asleep at 4 AM, to pull out an acoustic, or worse -like today- plugs the Les Paul into an amp, cranks it up and POP POP POP succeeds in making me want to close my eyes, pull my hair and SCREAM. (This might seem like a funny problem to have but believe me, it gets ANNOYING!!!)

Okay. Breeeeeathe. He's stopped playing now, and I'm not at work, and I'm not thinking about religion right now, and I can go to SVA, I'm GOING to SVA!!!
(And look, I managed to get through all of it without typing all the foul words and adjectives that were streamlining through my brain! Self-control, Angela. Self-control. Yeah, right.)

There are some good things I should mention as well:
1) Rally's fries are really good! I just learned that.
2) Robin taught me to drive today! Yeah, I know, a year and a half late, but hey, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER, huh? Yeah. Good. Finally.
3) Mom (and Dad, I guess) didn't say flat-out "NO!" this time when I brought up me and Robin wanting to go visit SVA in August.
4) Oh yeah, this morning at work before we opened, the manager& asst. manager left me and Crystal there while they went to run some errands, and we had all the prep done and wasn't time to open yet. We had Oldies on the radio and they played Brown Sugar; we turned it up REAL LOUD so you could hear it all over the store, and I danced around the tables and sang in the front room. Luckily at 8:30 AM nobdoy's walking past the windows outside. =D

So, those were fun things.

One sad thing:
1) Got a comment on my blog from some random passer-by named Ryan, and you know how just the display name comes up as Sender on the email alerts, and so I see "Ryan" has commented on my blog and see, I used to know this kid named Ryan and then I thought he died and... yeah, it's kind of a long story, but the point is I was hoping it was him even though I knew it wasn't going to be, and it wasn't. So I guess... just thinking about my Ryan made me a bit nostaglic. (My Ryan? Geez, haven't said that in awhile.)

And this was one weird thing:
1) This kid that I go to school with tried to pick me up today (you know, like, hit on me, not... literally, haha) when I was in the car with Robin and the amusing thing was that he didn't even realize that he knows me because, yeah, with that kind of history on that many drugs, his brain kind of goes spastic on him. So that was quite odd. It was like, "Hey, what's your name?" Me: *thinking* Yeah, we've gone to school together since what, 6th grade? Time to lay off the smokes, my friend.

That's it for the lists. But you know what that made me think? I've noticed that whenever guys try to pick me up, not when I'm with people, but when it's obvious that it's directed at ME, I handle it fine but for the next like, half an hour I feel all freaky. Something about the fact that every so often, some guys find me attractive and are attracted to me, just really bothers me. It makes me feel all odd and I don't like it. I might even go so far as to say I hate it. I really prefer being invisible to the male eye like I am the MAJORITY of the time. Crystal gets all the attention, and frankly, that's the way I prefer it. Invisibility to males is a beautiful thing. So yeah. That's just what I realized today, that I really hate it when boys give me attention like that. Well....okay, Tom being the exception. With Tom you just kinda eat it up because, well, he's Tom, you know. That's different. With Tom everybody just loves it and wants it. Haha. But I mean, regular boys. =P

(Brown Sugar is really a good-sounding song.)

This is the end........my only friend, the end...........

The End :)

Jim, Are You There?

Take today and count back 34 years, and you will find yourself at July 3, 1971.

July 3, 1971 was the last known day anyone saw Jim Morrison alive.