Freebird

I was looking at the leaves, climbing to the tops of the trees, but you were nowhere to be found...

Oh, my darling, don't be so upset. (And I shouldn't be calling you that.) It's nothing.

Or maybe that's what makes it so bad.

I do things or don't do things that come off looking like public censure, a shunning; but in reality it's just bits and pieces of who I am. You don't understand that I need to breathe. I do. But no matter how many times I say, no matter how many different ways I try to make you comprehend, you will never truly know this. Not in the right way. Which is sad, because it's not as bad as you make it out to be, on my part / but every bit as bad, possibly worse, on your part.

I want to teach you something, although I'm not certain how to show you. Here's my hand, not words said desperately. (It's not our job to make anyone believe.) And maybe that's the case, but I want to try. Among others, Robin says here's my hand will most assuredly ruin my chances at survival and escape. Not to mention any snatch of happiness.

She is probably right. But I like to think I am strong enough to beat the odds. Which I probably was, several years ago. But now? .................

I want to tell you that to get better -better enough that you can survive- you have to step back -you still have time to step back, now, and opportunity, so please, do it- you have to step back and learn to breathe. And then make a plan, slow and sure. And then when you're okay enough, go out and do it. But not a second before you're okay. You have to wait until you're okay, and there's no hurrying it along, it just takes time. So just wait, and don't feel the need to explain or prove yourself, 'cause you don't have to. You'll be okay. We'll be okay.














I see a boy in a tux and a girl in a yellow prom dress, leaning over the balcony and whispering about boys.

D e l i c a t e .

But now is not the time for that.

But that's okay.

I can save it for later.