In The Apartment (Early Sunday Morning)

This is Ian. He's the first person I met in Nashville, a friend of Crystal's. We got him drunk and then convinced him to let us straighten his hair. Actually, he got himself drunk. Crystal also got herself drunk, and I was and am seriously disappointed in her. But I digress. This is Ian's before picture.

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These are his after pictures. Much better, no?, even with his abnormally large forehead. And very soft. And clean. I'd forgotten that boys with clean hair existed. It was kind of nice, for a change, though I will always believe in the benefits of dirty hair.

I also believe in a little self-induced humiliation every once in a while, as shown in this photograph of me wearing a two-piece bathing suit with ruffles on the bottom. Yes, ruffles. Crystal and Ian and I all went for a midnight swim in the pool next door to our apartment block, and I don't even own a bathing suit, so I had to borrow one of Crystal's. The only other one of Crystal's. Why she purchased and WORE a bathing suit with ruffles, no one knows. She claims it was because it was three dollars and she needed a suit quickly. The true story may never be known. P.S. The only picture ever taken that shows my fat Italian thighs. I am usually okay with them, thanks to Joseph Heller and Catch-22.

Me and Ian. He, at this point, is very drunk. I, on the other hand, am very sober, and ostensibly the only person in the room in this state. However, I am going to go ahead and say that House and George's alcohol had worn off at this point, because if that was what they are like drunk, I hope never to encounter them whilst they are sober. Acknowledgement: I know I look terrible in this picture.